FULL MOON PERSONALS

Single White Male seeking two Single White Females to fan him with palm fronds and feed him grapes. F/T hrs. Benefits included. Call Artemis 555-9289.

Single Female seeking Bob Hope Look-A-Like for long walks on the beach, monologues for enlisted soldiers. Call Rita 555-9289

Single White Male seeking box of Boo Berry Cereal. Box rectangular in shape, usu. contains prize. No substitutes, please. Call Dave 555-9289

Married Hispanic Male seeking private investigator to follow wife, suspected of affair with Bob Hope. Call Juan 555-9289.

Single White Female seeking George Clooney type, MD preferred. No radiologists. Call Wanda 555-9289.

10 yr. old single male seeking Nicole Kidman. If you have her phone number, call Will at 555-9289.

Senior Male seeking dentures. Pink and white in color. Answer to the name 'Phil.' Call Art 555-9289.

Single White Female seeking Divorced Male with significant emotional baggage. Must enjoy poker, poetry of Leonard Nimoy. Call Etta 555-9289.

Single White Male seeking soulmate to take long rides in country, camp in heavenly locals, take exotic trips to carribean islands. Must be socialist, know how to operate semi-automatic weapons. Call Mark 555-9289.

Federal Bureau of Investigation seeking Albert Tibbs for various charges, including Armed Robbery, Assault of an officer, Impersonation of Marlon Brando. Call 555-9289.

Disgruntled poet searching for the woman that will inspire his career. Must have green eyes. Call Leonard. 555-9289.

Divorced White Female seeking gun. Anything .22 caliber and up will do. Call Joyce 555-9289.