ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS ON DUBEK By this time chances are you've stumbled onto some boobytrap set to take you to the deranged ramblings of the self-appointed arch-nemesis of Venison Skidmore: Mike Dubek. Dubek (and apparently, his supporters, though we aren't entirely convinced they exist) has been hacking into our site for some time now, planting secret links to drag you over to hear his tedious complaints about Venison and some petty personal slighting that took place twenty-five years ago. We're working hard trying to wipe his dirty fingerprints off of our site, but if he still catches you, we apologize. Normally we try not to pick on anyone too badly, but this is an interest that is a bit too compelling to be ignored. What you don't know about Dubek, and what he'd certainly never tell you, is that he's been married thirteen times, and just about every one of his ex-wives has tried to kill him at some point. Most of them are still trying on occasion. We at Planet Venison have decided it is our civic duty to make a regular report of these assassination attempts. In some cases, we've been fortunate enough to find photos of the crime scenes. The names of the wives themselves have been omitted for legal reasons. March 2004 Here Dubek narrowly missed a car bombing when he pulled off to the side of the road to relieve himself. This attempt is reportedly attributed to wife #4, now an auto mechanic in Seattle, Washington. February 2004 A beaten Dubek showed up late one night at a hospital in Logan, Utah, claiming he had been mauled by a bear in Logan canyon. But his wounds seemed more likely connected to an aluminum baseball bat he had sent to wife #10 during the Sammy Sosa corking fiasco last year. Wife #10 is a season ticket holder at Wrigley Field in Chicago. January 2004 After a night of carousing at a local bar in his current hometown of Afton, Wyoming, Dubek was jumped by six men claiming to belong to the Bismark chapter of a biker gang called "The Norse Avengers." Wife #8 is a well-known member of the gang, though no evidence exists that she was present at the attack. September 2003 Here's another attempt involving an automobile. The man standing at the driver's side door is Mel Tom, husband of wife #3. August 2003 Dubek reportedly survived three shots from a sniper he took while performing in a Jackson Hole, Wyoming Karaoke bar. The assailant was not apprehended.